Adventures In An Alternate Universe
by Roxius
Summary: Stan Marsh wakes up one day to find that he's a goth, his mother is married to Sheila Broflovski, Kyle is his Jew-hating Nazi brother, Cartman is skinny AND kind, Wendy is fat, and many other disturbing things in this strange, reversed world. Please R & R
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own South Park.

A/N: O_______O...It's all about Stan today!!! Some slash and femmeslash is present.

The premise: Stan wakes up to find himself in a strange alternate universe...and it frightens him. He's probably kinda OOC, although how should one act when they wake up living a world with everything all switched up?

* * *

The very instant he woke up that cold, winter morning, Stan Marsh could tell that something was extremely off.

For one thing, his entire room had somehow been painted inky-black overnight, with various skull-like figures and posters of heavy metal/emo bands hanging the walls. The heater had been removed, making the room almost unbearably chilly. Even weirder, his bed had somehow been replaced with a simple pillow, and his pajamas were now a bondage suit. The room stank of burnt incense, and a blood-stained knife rested nearby. There were poetic novels and CDs lying strewn all over the floor. Beside his pillow was an empty box of what had apparently once held powdered cocaine. His mind swimming with mind-numbing confusion, Stan stood up and clutched his head tightly in his hands.

"W...WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?!!!" Stan screamed at the top of his lungs.

At that instant, the bedroom door swung open, and Sheila Broflovski, his friend Kyle's portly mother, came charging in.

"What, what, what?!! What's going on in here?! Stan...are you alright?!" The red-headed woman cried, waving her arms about wildly. She seemed to not pay any mind to the strange scene playing out before her. Stan blinked a few times, and rubbed his eyes to make sure he was seeing things. Unfortunately, he wasn't.

Still a bit dazed by his immense headache, Stan gave a slight nod. "I'm...I'm fine...I just woke up from a bad dream...that's all..."

Sheila sighed in total relief, and wiped the sweat from her brow. "Oh, that's good...now hurry up and get dressed, my little angel! Kyle and Ike are already having breakfast downstairs!! We can't have you missing school now!!!" And with that, she spun around and ran off down the hall, leaving poor Stan even more lost than before.

'Kyle...and Ike...? What are they doing here? Did she just say I'm her little angel? What the hell is going on?!!'

Deciding to change out of this weird bondage suit, Stan walked over to his closet, and opened it in hopes of finding his usual attire. However, all he could dig up were black T-shirts, black jeans, black sweatshirts, black hoodies, black shorts, black gloves and black thongs. It got even worse when he found a black whip and a set of black chains, along with a black gag-ball.

"Goddammit, this is just getting weirder and weirder..." Stan muttered under his breath. Tossing on the jeans, hoodie and gloves, Stan exited his room and made his way downstairs. The delicious smell of pancakes soon reached his nostrils, and he hurried his pace. However, the moment he entered the kitchen, he soon regretted even coming out of his room, for what he saw nearly made his brain explode from sheer confusion.

Kyle Broflovski, his best friend in the whole wide world, was sitting at the table, helping himself to some pancakes...while dressed like a German Nazi. He had discarded his large green hat, and his puffy red afro stuck out in full view. The swastika band was clearly visible on both of his sleeves, and he was busy reading a pamphlet on genocide as he ate at a moderate pace. In the chair next to him sat Ike, wearing the same attire. Neither Sheila nor Stan's mother Sharon said anything regarding it. They all seemed happily oblivious to it all.

Stan, however, was almost speechless. "...Dude..."

Glancing over her shoulder, a wide smile formed on Sharon's lips as she exclaimed, "Ahh, Stanley, you're finally awake!! Take a seat at the table, and I'll serve you up a nice batch of pancakes, okay?"

Kyle closed his pamphlet, and placed it down on the table. "Ah, good morning to you, my dear brother Stanley. You slept well, I hope? You were up all night playing that blasted emo music, if I recall..." For some reason he had a slight British accent.

"Yeah, I guess I slept-" Stan began, but he instantly did a double-take upon realization, "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!!! DID YOU JUST CALL ME YOUR 'DEAR BROTHER'?!!!"

Kyle shrugged like it was no big deal. "Of course. We've been brothers ever since our mothers married a few years back. Don't you remember? You started cutting yourself in the middle of the reception...we had to drive you to the hospital, and you kept singing Linkin Park lyrics underneath your breath...it was magical, to say the very least..."

Ike nodded. "I POOPED MEH PANTS...MUDDAFUGGA!!"

Stan's mouth fell wide open, and his entire body grew numb. For a moment, he was sure he was about to black out. The entire room seemed like it was spinning, and a horrible, horrible revelation came upon him. He swallowed the bile rising in his throat, and his voice grew louder and louder with every passing word he spoke. He couldn't stop himself anymore. "Oh...oh my god! Our...our moms...they're...they're married...TO EACH OTHER?!!! THAT'S...THAT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING!!! WHERE'S MY DAD?!! WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE A NAZI?!! WHY AM I APPARENTLY A GOTH KID NOW?!! JUST WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON AROUND HERE?!!"

Suddenly, Stan's insane rant was cut short by a powerful slap across the face. It was his mother, Sharon. Sheila came rushing into the room, and gasped.

"Stanley Marsh-Broflovski!!" The brown-haired woman exclaimed in great disappointment, putting her hands on her hips, "How dare you use such language in this household, especially after just waking up like this!!! And how dare you insult my marriage like that!! You told me you would always accept me no matter what I did, and now here you are, spouting hate speech about homosexuals like your other mother and myself!!! What has gotten into you this morning, young man?!!!"

Stan blanched; he suddenly felt terribly guilty, even though he still had absolutely no idea what was going on, and what he said couldn't really qualify as 'hate speech'. He rubbed the red mark on his cheek in pain as he quietly replied, "I'm...I'm sorry...mom...I...I'm just a bit delirious from all the cocaine I snorted last night...sorry...sorry...I wasn't thinking straight when I said all those things just now...I'm sorry..."

"...Really? You better behave, Stanley...I don't want to get another call about you shooting a student in the foot again at school..." Sharon asked, raising her eyebrows in suspicion.

Stan nodded, amazed that he had apparently done something like that in the past. "Yes...I promise I'll be good..."

"Good..."

Sharon turned her back to her son, and made her way back to the stove, where a frying pan still had several pancakes sizzling on it. "Alright," she said, suddenly cheery once again, "Take your seat, and I'll put some pancakes onto a plate for you..."

With no choice but to play along for now, Stan took his seat beside Kyle, who had gone back to reading his pamphlet. The black-haired boy wanted nothing more than for things to return to normal, especially when Shelly suddenly came dancing into the room, her braces mysteriously absent. She had a huge grin on her face, and she practically glowed with loving kindness, much to Stan's horrid disgust. It didn't help that she was actually really attractive-looking now, either.

"Ah, good morning, Shelly!" Sharon exclaimed, tossing her eldest daughter a warm smile.

Shelly planted a tiny kiss on her mother's cheek. "GOOD MORNING, MOTHER!!! Today is going to be so WONDERFUL, I just know it!!"

"...That's nice, honey..."

Then, Shelly twirled over beside Stan and kissed him as well. "And how is my DARLING LITTLE BROTHER this morning?!!" She screamed into his ear.

Stan fought the urge to puke again. "I'm...I'm fine..."

"OH, I'M SO HAPPY!!!" Shelly did a little tap-dance, and ran off into the next room, disappearing as quickly as she had appeared onto the scene.

Kyle rolled his eyes. "Attention whore..." he muttered under his breath.

'Goddammit...just what the hell is going on here?! I've been asking that question over and over, and yet I'm still as clueless as ever...did something happen last night while I was asleep? Maybe I fell into some kind of worm-hole or something...but how could I end up in a worm-hole when I was in my bed the entire time? Unless...I started sleep-walking, and I fell into the worm-hole!! No...it still doesn't make sense. God, my head feels like it's gonna split open...I'm just so frickin' confused...I'll have to try and figure things out later, maybe when I'm at school or something...' Stan wondered, burying his face in his hands.

Suddenly, a loud beeping shattered the silence, and Kyle pulled back his right sleeve to reveal a wristwatch. The watch had a picture of Adolf Hitler in the middle, with his arms acting as the watch's hands. Staring at it, a wide, maniacal grin spread out on Kyle's lips. It frightened Stan to see his best friend acting like this...it really did.

"Ahh..." The red-haired boy sneered, "It's almost time to go out to the bus stop, where I shall confront my most hated foe, and spite him for everything he's worth...which isn't much!!"

Stan immediately realized who Kyle was talking about. "...You're talking about Cartman, right?" he sighed.

"But of course!! Glad to see that there's SOMETHING you haven't seemed to have forgotten!!! Yes, I will lay the beat-down on that pathetic little Jew fag!! He's had it too good for too long, I tell you!!!"

'...Cartman's the Jew, now? This'll be interesting to see...maybe I should stick around in this weird, parallel world for a little bit longer...' Stan thought, sensing the incredible irony behind all of this.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own South Park.

PLEASE REVIEW!!!

A/N: Yeah, Cartman ends up being a stereotypical Jew like Kyle's cousin Kyle, and Kenny is all about morals, and despising all types and kinds of porn...:P

O_O I just had a weird idea for another SP fic: Randy, Clyde and Kenny team up to save their beloved porn!! Or something like that...

* * *

After having finished breakfast, Stan and Kyle both bid their mothers good-bye and headed out to the bus stop together. As they walked, Kyle would constantly take out a small switch blade, and eye it momentarily before shoving it back into his pocket. A bead of sweat ran down the side of Stan's head. He definitely didn't want his 'brother' to start going around and stabbing people in a crazy fashion, least of all an apparently kind-hearted Cartman. After all, seeing the fatass actually be a 'loving little Jewish angel' was way too intriguing to miss out on.

'Alright...I'll go to school to see how everyone else has apparently completely altered overnight, and then I gotta find out how to get everything back to normal...hopefully I won't see anything TOO disturbing...hopefully...' Stan thought over his plan once again. Truthfully, he had no idea HOW he would get everything back to normal, but by god, he was going to do it! There was no way he would be able to stand living in such a mixed-up world for more than a day, anyway.

Eventually, the two boys came to the bus stop, where two other boys were waiting patiently for their mode of transportation to finally arrive. One of them was a thin, young man with short brown hair and a charcoal-black business suit; he glanced at his watch every now and then, sighing in disappointment every time. The other boy had messy blond hair, and he wore what closely resembled a priest's robes. Clenched tightly in his hands was a miniature cross. Stan's mouth dropped wide open; even if he had somewhat expected to see obvious differences in their appearances, he had never suspected THIS much of a change.

"Good morning, Kenny," Kyle exclaimed loudly, and then he flashed a nasty glare at Cartman, "...Jewfag."

"Heeey, Kahl!!" Cartman waved with a big smile on his face, seemingly having ignored Kyle's nasty remark. He had a noticeable Yiddish accent now, as well. A shiver crawled up Stan's spine; he had expected this to be funny, but seeing a NICE Cartman was nearly way too disturbing for him to handle.

"You shouldn't make fun of people because of their religion, my dear boy Kyle," Kenny spoke in a soft, nagging voice, "Of course, considering all you've done in the past, you are most certainly doomed to hell when you finally die...there is nothing I can do to help you..."

Kyle scowled, rolling his eyes. "I didn't even ASK for your help, you little SERVANT OF GOD...jeez..."

Stan decided to take this moment to speak up. "Uh...hey, guys. I'm here too...in case you didn't notice me..." he said meekly, holding up his hand to gain their attention. Cartman didn't seem to care much for him, but Kenny's eyes lit up upon realizing he was there.

"Ah, Stanley, have you incinerated any of those dreadful porn mags you keep in that shoebox under your bed yet, like I've requested?!!" Kenny asked hopefully.

"Uh...no?"

"What?! Why not?!! Stanley, you must understand...all porn is nothing more than the work of the devil, trying to seduce us into his clutches!! It's nothing but pure evil!! All porn must be destroyed!!!" Kenny proclaimed loudly, striking a daring pose as he spoke. Kyle shook his head in shame of actually being friends with this moron.

All of the color drained from Stan's face. 'Oh my god...Kenny...hates...PORN?!! Is...is that even possible?!!!'

Then, completely out of nowhere, a small satellite plummeted from the sky, and smashed right down on top of Kenny without warning.

"OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED KENNY!!!" Stan cried.

"YOU GODDAMN IMPERIALIST PIGS!!!" Kyle screamed up to the heavens.

Suddenly, the side-hatch of the satellite fell open, and Kenny came climbing out, a bit dazed but perfectly fine none the less. Stan blinked a few times. 'I...totally didn't see that coming...Jesus Christ, dude...why couldn't he just die like he's supposed to?!!'

"Oh, yeah...I forgot that he always comes out of these things unscathed..." Kyle recalled, smacking his fist into his palm, while Stan was still speechless with shock. He had lost count of how many times he'd been left speechless now. He had always considered his own world to have been rather strange, but this...this was just getting way too BIZARRE for words. Still, it was pretty cool at the same time, and he immediately cheered up.

The large yellow bus came around the corner, and pulled up next to the sidewalk. A cloud of purplish-black fumes hovered out of the exhaust pipe. A crow flew right through the smoke, and immediately crashed to the ground, dead. The bus doors swung wide open, and the boys quickly climbed on-board without a word. The inside of the bus stank of spoiled meat and fish eggs, but no one paid it any mind.

As he took his seat between Kyle and Cartman, Stan found himself growing more and more excited with every passing second. 'I wonder how much things have changed at school...?!!'

Unbeknownst to the poor boy, however, he was about to be in for quite a sickening surprise...a few of them, to be more exact.


End file.
